I had an abortion in late 2008. For years, I said with complete honesty that it was one of the easiest decisions I’ve ever made. It wasn’t until late 2020 that I began to process everything that meant.
Without going into details that are, to be frank, no one’s business, I will only say this: I didn’t walk into Planned Parenthood to murder my baby. In my mind, there was no baby. There was a “cluster of cells.” I walked into Planned Parenthood to be sensible, independent, feminist. That’s what they tell you “choice” is about.
I have personally never met a woman who found out she was pregnant and thought to herself, “I want to murder this child.”
I have never encountered a Planned Parenthood that kidnapped women and coerced them into murdering their baby.
Yet this is how many Christians pray on this issue. Seated in a group recently, I felt myself withdraw as a man prayed about the women “murderers” who have abortions, and the judgment he assumed would come to them.
I wanted to tell him, “I would love to hear a man pray for all the men involved in producing all those babies.”
I didn’t, because I knew his intention was not to be hurtful, and because I didn’t completely trust myself to speak calmly. I had also felt the Holy Spirit nudge to instead Write about it.
So, what to write?
I had an abortion.
I was more concerned about the wellbeing of chickens than I was about the life inside me.
Confronting the contradictions of liberal programming can feel a little like realizing you’re the Manchurian Candidate. I call myself a “recovering feminist” now, not because I think men are superior, but because the word has been wildly abused. It’s pleasant to say you’re a feminist because you believe both genders are equal. But that is not what the word connotes anymore.
Today feminist connotes Better than. It suggests We don’t need men. It implies Men should be more like women.
It is, well let’s be blunt, exhausting, to connect with a man on those terms. Many men and women don’t even bother anymore. If you are living in a metro area where the liberal zeitgeist rules, you have to justify your preference for monogamy.
We are now well into an era of porn and swipe-to-date. An era where family and community are so eroded most young people are dating, if one can call it that, in a black hole of bars and sleepovers. A world where young men are encouraged to act like Peter Pan and young women are told to give themselves freely, “Because it’s liberating.”
It is dystopian, Brave New World lived out in colleges and cities all over the country. And that’s those who choose it. In poor communities, there is far less (perceived) choice – so chronic and widespread is the incarceration of men and welfare dependency of women.
Abortion doesn’t happen in a vacuum. Women are told abortion is a choice because we aren’t supposed to choose to depend on a man.
And that’s today. There have always been and always will be women who cannot bear to carry their pregnancy to term. And there has always been a struggle to address it.
Meanwhile we must also remember that abortion, like so many issues, has been used as “hot button” that conservative politicians can push to win votes. The problem, like so many, has only increased, and yet it can still be used to whip our emotions into a frenzy.
Like so many problems, it needs, not finger-pointing toward the other side, but a commitment to finding solutions.
That requires, not judgment, but dialogue. It will never be solved by waving signs outside a Planned Parenthood. Do you want to look like you’re judging? Do that.
Do you want to solve the problem? Raise young men who hold themselves accountable. Be an example in your own marriage. Talk to women who are pro-choice.
The devil will tell us the other side is evil. Jesus reminds us that is not the case.
When you have heard the Samaritan woman’s story… when you have seen the world from the leper’s eyes… when you know what it means to be fifteen with your dad in jail and your mom, illiterate, praying for a way to cover the heating bill… please… pray for a truly brave new world.